They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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