I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
