mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
