I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
