Whatcha textin bout Willis?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
