when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My feet surprised me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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