Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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