so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Randomize
