it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Lo siento on account of my penis...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
