Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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