Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
