Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
