Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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