i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
