I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
