Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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