why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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