I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
