hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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