the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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