fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
