I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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