So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
