I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
