I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
