It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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