it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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