Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
