Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
