Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
