you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
