If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she told me i tasted like america
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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