Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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