I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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