I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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