Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
