Define "chronic" masturbator.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
