Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
wanna go halves on a baby?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When are your genitals available?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
