I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
