I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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