i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
