Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
