i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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