her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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