He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
