One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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