Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
