my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
