why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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