Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
