Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
